So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
