this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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