I just pynch a tree in the face
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
