i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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