It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
