my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
