I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
