you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
