Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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