Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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