How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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