Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
