so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
