arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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