can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
