And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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