Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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