sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
