They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
