Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize