what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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