I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
