Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
