So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
