My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
