he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
