I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
