Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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