Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
