I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
