I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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