Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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