I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
