"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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