Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
