i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
