We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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