it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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