I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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