You smell like stripper and shame
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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