mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
