Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
