she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
