dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
