Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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