Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
