I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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