I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
