i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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