do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
