I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
zippers are such a cool invention
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize