I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
