He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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