Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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