sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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