Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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