Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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