Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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