Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize