youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
