It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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