girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
