Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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