I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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