Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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