He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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