Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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