Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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