So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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