Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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