i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
