wanna go halves on a baby?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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