Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
