I hate your face
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
