So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
