Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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