I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
