Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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