i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just pee around me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
