i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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