If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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