I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
