its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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