how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
