I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
