I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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