just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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