I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
