the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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