My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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