so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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