Have you finally orgasmed yet?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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