Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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