On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just gargled with NyQuil
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
