Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
