Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
