Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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