Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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