My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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