did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
